15 Things That Got Me Flagged At Gather
July 21, 2008
1. You are not God’s Vessel of Truth. I talked to God and he said you are a small-minded, bigoted and probably latent trogolodyte. And stop using His name to hurt people and further your own agenda. That’s a no-no.
2. I suspect your Mommy told you that you were special just about every day when you were a child. Maybe she continues to do so, even as she straps your special helmet on so you don’t bang your head on any sharp corners. You know what? Daddy’s right — Mommy’s a lying whore, especially in her insistence that you are special. You’re not. You’re just a moron.
3. Because you can string some words together, doesn’t mean you should. Yes, we’re all entitled to an opinion and here on Gather you can publish anything you like, at any time you like and you’ll probably get some of the attention you so desperately crave. Judging by your “talent” for writing, I can only offer this advice: The world, at large, needs unskilled labor. Look into it.
4. So, what’s with the alias? Or are we expected to believe your strange moniker is a long-passed-down-through-generations family name? I was curious, so I turned to my good friend, Google, who in turn sent me off to my pal, Wiki. Now I have to assume that this (and you,) are a big joke or you are the most disingenuously ironic person… ever.
5. I’m not sure that I can actually come up with ten more of these, but I’m going to give it the old college try. Did I mention you’re a moron? I did?
Well, it fits so nice, I’m going to say it, twice: You’re a moron.
6. I am certain that, in publishing your hate-filled manifesto, you feel you’re making a difference — because if you can save just one homosexual, then you have done Jesus’ work? Look, here’s the deal: I once read, on Gather, the recipe for making your own soap. I thought it was really cool and interesting and for just a brief moment, I thought, “I’ll make my own soap!” Then I realized I’d probably end up burning my own kitchen down and I did not proceed with the almost-plan of making soap. Why? Because I know my limitations, and I know who I am. I am not Martha Stewart. I am not Miss Arts & Crafts. I am not the sort of person who makes their own soap. In spite of the author’s insistence that I could, indeed, save money and time, I don’t want to make my own soap.
You dig? Or must I spell it out for you? I will, if necessary.
And, while “making soap” and “making love” are vastly different things, the end result from a homophobic diatribe on Gather is going to yield much the same as the soap article when it comes to bringing people into your fold.
7. ‘Twere I a betting woman, I’d lay money on the idea that, in your mind, when you picture the acts of homosexuals, it’s all dirty and depraved. There are probably chandeliers and velvet handcuffs involved, and these perversions are near constantly happening. Why, I’ll bet you in your mind “those people” don’t even come up for air, let alone have time to grocery shop, go to work or watch a Sanford & Son rerun.
Homosexuals’ sex lives aren’t all that different than heterosexuals’ sex lives.
8. While we’re on the subject, do you harass and harangue your breeder friends, too? Do you make sure there’s nothing but straight on, in the dark, missionary position occurring for the purpose of pro-creation only? And, if you do, that begs the question, Why are you so interested in what other people are doing sexually?
9. And speaking of the Good Book, you aren’t engaging in anything untoward or not meant to increase the population count, are you? If you are, I’d point you in this direction… because I care about your immortal soul.
10. Homosexuality does NOT equal “pedophilia.” That’s a nice scare tactic, really. But cite me some real statistics from some real sources to back it up, please.
11. I’m using the fact that I think you’re a moron again for number eleven, because this is tedious. Then again, you really have set the “Tedious Bar” high…
12. CRAP! In order to actually find three more points, I had to go back and read that drivel of an article again. This one bugged me before, and it’s really pissing me off, now: a shortened life span? Let’s check out your “source’s” pedigree, shall we?
Not exactly unbiased or impartial, are they?
13. If 33% of child molestation is committed by homosexuals, who, pray tell, is committing the other 67%?
14. Who, exactly, are these “proponents” of homosexuality? You know, let me tell you a little Pants Story…
Saturday morning, I was minding my own business, trying to get a little work done. At 9:10 AM, my doorbell rang and when I answered it, two reasonably attractive men were on my front steps. The reason for their visit? Well, they’re opening a new church one town over and they thought I might be interested.
I’m not. I’m pretty happy and excited to be a Methodist… a heterosexual Methodist, for you information.
But, I digress. Your mention of “proponents” got my noodle all worked up and in searching my memory, I cannot remember one, single instance where my doorbell rang at a ridiculously early hour to be ringing doorbells and two gay people were on my porch to invite me to an orgy or even a parade.
So, now — you tell me: which group is pushing an agenda here and recruiting?
15. You know, I’d really put some effort into number fifteen, but I’m tired of this. I’ll just re-affirm, once again tha I think you’re a moron and close this up.
Oh, and hey! See you in hell.